Spark Adulting

[00:00:02] Speaker A: Hi, I'm Jaden Petrus. [00:00:04] Speaker B: And I'm Brandon Bush. [00:00:05] Speaker C: And I'm Carly Faulkner. And we are the co host of Spark by Revolutionnaire, where we pass the. [00:00:09] Speaker B: Mic to people whose voices are not. [00:00:11] Speaker C: Always heard and have candid and informative conversations. [00:00:14] Speaker A: On today's episode, we'll be talking about adulting. [00:00:19] Speaker C: Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Spark by Revolutionnaire. Today we'll be talking about adulting. And our guest is. Is Havilyn Felder. So, Hav, what do you want to tell us about yourself? [00:00:31] Speaker D: Hello, everyone. It's a pleasure to be here with you guys today. I'm a graduating senior at Howard University, and throughout my time at Howard, I've had the opportunity to intern for former speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, as well as Senator Booker. I was also inaugural fellow for race, ethnicity and policy at UCLA, as well as a legislative aid and researcher at Impact Research. [00:00:59] Speaker C: I think that deserves an applause. That's amazing. And that's perfect. Cause today we're talking about adulting and sort of the transition of life after college. [00:01:09] Speaker B: Yes. [00:01:09] Speaker A: And I think it all started with a question. I think one of the things that we wanted to really, you know, emphasize is that that big question, like, especially after you graduate, what are your plans after graduation, you know? [00:01:21] Speaker C: And I dread it. I dread it. [00:01:23] Speaker B: Nasty, nasty. [00:01:24] Speaker A: It's just. I think it can be an overwhelming topic and just one that's filled with a little bit of anxiety. And I think we can start talking about how college has prepared us for that, you know? So, how do you feel like your college has prepared you for that transition post graduation? [00:01:40] Speaker D: That's. That's a really good question. I think family, friends, and God has prepared me. Howard gave me classes and professors, but everyone else is what kept the ship afloat. Just struggling with not having resources to get me certain internships or connections to job and having to navigate that on my own. I needed my friends to keep me motivated, God to keep me spiritually intact. Cause it's easy to feel like you're not good enough or feel like you're just never gonna get the opportunity that's right for you. [00:02:14] Speaker B: That's real. [00:02:15] Speaker D: And then, honestly, I needed myself, because I needed to find it within me to stay motivated, to keep wanting to persevere throughout declines. And, you know, that's how we got here. [00:02:28] Speaker C: I feel that so much, I get chills just you talking about it, because it really is a struggle sometimes when you feel like your college has not done all it could be, but also a lot of it does fall on you, and you might blame yourself a lot, and you might feel like maybe I'm not doing enough. Cause I remember comparing myself to my peers and seeing them posting about their jobs or on their Linkedins and how they have this opportunity and that. And I'm sitting here with just, like, things I've done in high school and things that I just do as extracurriculars. And I just never felt like I was achieving enough or doing as much as I should be doing. And I felt like I was letting not just myself down, but, like, my family, who put me in college. And I definitely understand it's rough, and it takes a lot of motivation from the people around you. [00:03:16] Speaker B: Yeah. And I think that it should be noted, like, y'all are all graduating. I just. I graduated two years ago, but y'all are about to be fresh out on the scene. And so y'all, one, congratulations, because getting through. We're all Howard alum. Yes, it's a struggle. Everybody gets through that struggle. The Howard hustle is its own little haze. And so I think that we should start this conversation by also saying, like, amazing job, because you ladies, y'all have done y'all thing. But, yeah, that trip, definitely. [00:03:53] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:03:54] Speaker A: And, you know, I know a lot of the listeners, you're gonna be attending different colleges, and it's not just Howard, but I think, as Howard alum, we have a unique perspective because this school, it builds perseverance, it builds a lot of endurance. I think we can all speak on different experiences. I'm in Sinas, that's college of nursing. And so during the pandemic, I think that had a real, real effect, because you need that clinical experience as a nurse. And I didn't necessarily have that until I came back and I had to go out and find that internship myself. And it's really hard to get into the hospitals, especially as a student, when you have no experience there. And that's another thing we could talk about that hustle, just trying to find those internships when you don't necessarily have the support or the advisors to encourage that, you know? [00:04:44] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:04:44] Speaker A: So it was a challenge, but I think, you know, it definitely helped build a notion that I can do it by myself, you know? [00:04:53] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:04:53] Speaker D: So, also, I think another thing that's, like, super important is the fact that, like, we're all black college students, and so for us, it's not good enough to just have one internship experience. Like, we need to have to be at the top for us to get a real fighting chance of ending up where we want to be when we graduate, which is why I feel like at Howard specifically, there's a lot of pressure to join. A bunch of different organizations, have leadership positions. [00:05:22] Speaker C: Howard has a big hustle culture. [00:05:24] Speaker D: Muscle culture. [00:05:25] Speaker A: Very much so. You're always, it's. I feel like you meet somebody at Howard, they're always doing a million things. A million and one. Going back to yourself, like the. Comparing yourself, I think that's a, that's a really, like, common feeling. [00:05:38] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:05:38] Speaker A: Especially for me. It's. You see people doing all these amazing things and we're in DC, people working on Capitol Hill, it's overwhelming. [00:05:48] Speaker C: And they're just like, oh, yeah, well, I'm. I'm trying to figure out what my next frozen meal is, and it's like, I just feel like I was moving so slowly, like, the pace of me versus my peers. I feel like I definitely need to catch up. [00:06:01] Speaker A: And I think we should also emphasize the difference, like, the circumstances people are in, because we don't always. Some people don't even always have the opportunities to do those internships where they're not paying you or, you know, they're not giving you a stipend or anything like that. You know, people have to work and provide for themselves in college, and it's hard. It's great. [00:06:20] Speaker C: Yeah. Also, I want to talk about, like, connections because I know a lot of people. I know we probably have peers who've had connections and we've heard them have these amazing opportunities. And it's not me trying to, like, downplay their skills as, like, as a person themselves, but, like, they had connections. They knew people, they had aunts, uncles who were able to tell them what to do, give them good advice. And I just feel like that's a little difficult for someone who's applying with really no connection to a job. [00:06:51] Speaker A: It makes it harder to go into the adult world. You know, you're starting from scratch, essentially, so I don't know. But I'm a little. I know I have a little bit. A little bit of anxiety surrounding going out into that world. [00:07:04] Speaker C: Yeah. So. [00:07:06] Speaker A: I know, Brandon, you could speak on it. [00:07:07] Speaker B: Oh, God. [00:07:08] Speaker A: You've been doing this for the past year. [00:07:10] Speaker B: So I got my first actual internship during the pandemic, like, September of 2020, and that's where I ended up working. And so me trying to find a job after or, like, those last, like, couple of months of my graduate experience or graduate. My undergraduate experience, it was really nerve wracking because I was just sitting there like, oh, my God, I don't have a job. And, you know, I had done three internship sessions with this company, and so I was in my last one. It was that summer. You know, I was working. They had finally given me a stipend for that summer, and so I was trying to figure out what my next moves were going to be. It was just. Was the most stressful thing in the world. And people were denying me because, like, how we talked about, you know, we don't have certain connections to certain places. And even if you do well during interviews or if you get to, that's one thing that people really need to talk about, especially for black people, when you are going through these interview processes and you are hitting off points, and even that sometimes isn't even enough. And you can get to that last interview, and you can still get shot down. It's a lot, especially for students or people who just graduated trying to navigate the world because you're so focused on trying to get that job. But one thing that nobody really prepares you for is all of the stuff that comes after. Once you get the job, are you able to keep the job? Not only can you perform, you know, school is going to teach you how to perform, especially if you go to Howard. You're going to know how to perform. [00:08:47] Speaker C: But I'm going to teach you how to balance. [00:08:48] Speaker B: Are they going to teach you how to balance work life? Balance or work life? Are they going to teach you how to survive outside of that? Are they going to teach you how to manage your friendships? Are they going to teach you how to manage your love life and your romantic connections and all of those different things? It's a huge, huge transition that nobody really tells you about, and you just. You're free balling it. Like, you're literally freeballing every single step of the way. [00:09:18] Speaker C: That's something I definitely try to tell myself is that everybody else is navigating this as they go as well. Like, there's no real script. And one thing I learned in these four years, going to college is very much, fake it till you make it. Cause that seems like that's what everybody else is doing. [00:09:35] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, it is. I mean, I think one thing that I've noticed personally, from a social media perspective, I think the graduates, like, of Howard, I just kind of noticed once they get their job, they start, usually in the summertime, they kind of go ghost. [00:09:51] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:09:51] Speaker A: And, like, where did you guys go? [00:09:53] Speaker C: I'm so excited. [00:09:55] Speaker D: People don't talk about post grad depression enough. [00:09:58] Speaker C: Yeah. Like, wow. [00:10:00] Speaker D: Heard a lot of, like, older people who have graduated in recent years in my life, like, talk about, like, I'm not saying this is definitively gonna happen to you, but they've also been like, havel, and, like, we want you to be prepared that this is a real thing, you know, right now. I know, Brandon, you're grown and graduated, but for the three of us, we're used to seeing our friends on a pretty regular basis, being social, being active. And when we move, if we do move, our world is kind of turned upside down. We may or may not be in cities where we have other peers around us, and then it's like you're starting over if, you know, you get somewhere, and that's something that we really don't hear about. So it kind of makes sense why people kind of go, Mia. [00:10:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:40] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:10:41] Speaker B: No, I was very, very, extremely blessed that all of my friends who I was, like, super duper connected with ended up staying in DC, and that ended up being one of my grounding sort of things to make it through those really, really hard moments, because, like, I've already been through my quarter life crisis. I'm still there, you know, trying to heal, trying to get through it. If y'all can invest in therapy, I 100%, like, if you can do it, please do it. Understand? If you can't, however, please invest in it. But like I said, my community, my chosen family, was what got me through my, or is getting me through my adulting sort of phase as I'm coming into myself and I'm getting to know exactly who it is that I am, how I want to show up in this world. It's my friends, like I said, my chosen people who have reminded me this whole time. Like, this is who you are. And so that's why I'm saying, like, it's important for you to invest in those connections afterwards. And it's really hard because, like, making friends as an. As adults is weird, you know, especially in today's society, where everybody is talking about, you know, who's paying for what at brunch and whatnot. Da da da. Like, girl, get the hell on. Are we spending time with each other? Are we investing in each other? Are we lifting each other up? [00:12:04] Speaker C: I think social media has made it so hard for people to have friends now. Communication is not there. If you know somebody who's, like, a longtime friend of yours and you don't talk to them, you think liking a photo or commenting on their photo or doing something is enough. It's not. It's not. I'm gonna say that right now it's not. And people need that support system, especially when they're entering the adulting world. And I think it's difficult, and I think people have. I don't wanna say it's an ego thing, but it might be an insecurity thing. With social media and everything being sort of magnified on social media and how cool you appear, it's hard to reach out to people to ask them, do you want to hang out? Do you want to, like, be my friend? It's definitely something that's. That's difficult, especially now in this era. [00:12:46] Speaker D: Right. And to add another layer onto that, we all know, like, social media is not real. [00:12:51] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:12:52] Speaker D: You can see someone, quote unquote, living their best life, and they could really, like, genuinely be going through it. [00:12:57] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:12:57] Speaker D: And so it's really hard to decipher when is really the appropriate moment to reach out and check on someone, you know? [00:13:03] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:13:04] Speaker A: I also have a question. You know, we went to talking about college, but do you feel like the adults in your life prepared you for adulting? Like, they gave you the tools or the tutelage or the advice that you need to, you know, go? [00:13:19] Speaker D: I will say I'm gonna just give a quick shout out to my mom on the podcast. We absolutely love mama faith. I really feel like she did everything that she could, like, genuinely. I remember, like, when I moved to Houston, I was in high school at the time. She took me with her to go see what it's like to actually buy a house and showed me all of the paperwork that goes into it. And at first, I was kind of laughing at her, like, girl, why are you taking me to see this? But she was like, one day you're gonna save up money and you're gonna buy a house, and you need to understand what this paperwork is like. And I was like, oh, like, it's deeper than this. And I remember when she was helping me, like, figure out taxes the first time. I'm still kind of confused by taxes, but, you know, that's a thing we have to take care of. So, you know, I feel like I'm very grateful that, you know, she was able to do those things. And also, like, when it comes to financial literacy, my mom, she retired young just because she was, you know, God blessed her. And so I was fortunate enough to learn so many different financial lessons from her. And so now I feel like I'm in a place where, like, I maybe don't have my full time job, or I'm in a place where I can set up all the tools that she used like that she gave me. But I do know that once I get my job and I, you know, I'm getting in the swing of things, I know that I'll be able to turn for her to be like, hey, so how do I start investing? How do I start saving and stuff like that? [00:14:41] Speaker A: What's a 401k? How do I put money into this? What's that? I give you the most return. These are all things that I've kind of been figuring out by myself as well. I think, as my parents did a great job at giving me, like, an emotional support and, you know, helping me out in ways of being. Being supportive, being a supportive system. Financially wise, I've had to figure it out by myself. And there's also a lot of lessons in that. Figuring out by yourself, you have a tax situation. I still don't know. I go to Agent R. Block, not a shout out, but a bit of fact. [00:15:12] Speaker B: I know that's right. [00:15:13] Speaker A: But, yeah, I think. I think there's. There's. We. There's a lot of people who don't have the luxury of making those mistakes, and. But it is a learning curve, and I think that it can be anxiety ridden when doing it. But I do think that's why you need mentors. [00:15:34] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:15:35] Speaker A: You know, and I do have a couple good mentors that are. That support me and guide me. And if I have a question in terms of those in. In that sense, like, working and my field is a little bit different in nursing, I have a nursing mentor, so she helps me in those ways. But I think for people who don't necessarily have the adults to teach them adulting, it can just be a very different experience. [00:15:56] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:15:57] Speaker A: Yeah. And I don't know. [00:15:59] Speaker C: With me, I'm a very. I feel like I like talking to people. Like, I'll talk to, like, the Uber driver when I'm going somewhere, I'll talk to, like, somebody near me or around me. And I definitely find it really valuable to ask questions. I didn't realize until I had my first internship that people want to talk about themselves. And if you talk to them and you ask them, well, how did you get here? Where are you coming from? Like, what is the best advice? They will give it to you freely. And it's a lot of asking questions and not just those who are professionally, I guess, higher up than you are very much. I ask my friends the little things. It's like, okay, does this email look good? Should I send it now or wait till then? I just try to get feedback as much as possible from everybody around me, because I just feel like we're all learning as we're going, and if we just, I guess, come together and help each other out, that's what me and my two close friends do a lot, is we are helping her to draft her own emails. We're helping each other know when to send a follow up, to know when to reach out to somebody, to know how to go about tackling a professional project. It's very much a support system. And to just ask as many people as possible how they got to where they get or to where they're going, to where they are. And it really does help because they all want to talk about their own experiences. Yeah. [00:17:22] Speaker B: I think, for me, one thing that I noted in my years of adulting so far, and being 24 and about to be 25, oh, God. Is that when I get older, there is going to be a very specific conversation that I'm gonna have with my children that I don't feel like was had with me about what it's like transitioning from being in high school, because I feel like there's, like, this shift that happens from being in high school to being in college, because that's when you start entering your twenties and you start really experiencing, like, real things in regards to your emotions and things like that. And so not only just talking about, like, financial literacy, but emotional intelligence, and I feel like that was a conversation that I was missing. Like, my parents, they sat me down and talked about budgeting, you know, regards to sex and stuff like that, we had, you know, but when it comes. [00:18:22] Speaker C: To, like, navigating emotions, when it comes. [00:18:24] Speaker B: To navigating just life as a human being, that had to come on my own and me figuring that out, but I had my parents, and that's one thing that I love about Alicia, Detrice. [00:18:38] Speaker C: Michael J. Shout out. [00:18:44] Speaker B: They have always been people that I can lean on in regards to me going through life, even if it's just like, me talking about certain things or if I need to ask for advice. My parents have been a major, major, major support system for me in that regard, and I go to them for everything. That's one thing that y'all are gonna find. Even after college, you gonna be calling up your mom, your daughter, whoever, auntie, cousin, whoever, you're going to be calling them up and be like, hey, I don't know what this is. I need somebody to tell me what's going on. What did you do when you were in this situation? And so I think that even though our parents don't necessarily, like, think about that in the moment and they just kind of entrust that you're gonna figure it out. They're still gonna be there to help you. And just in regards, like you were saying, like, just community in general, you're always gonna have people who are gonna guide you. [00:19:41] Speaker D: And so that's like something that you just made me, like, kind of reflect on in regards to the community. But also the conversation you said you wanna have with your kids, something that I wish someone would have told me before coming to college is that there's a sacredness about this four years. And I think that was something I was kind of talking to one of my peers about a couple of days ago. Like, this time, this is the only time in our lives that we have dedicated to self discovery. [00:20:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:11] Speaker D: And totally all encompassing self discovery. It's greater than just like, our professional gains. And I feel like that makes this time like it should be treated like, sacred, you know, because it's something that's so special about it. And I feel like you don't realize it until after it's gone. And it's like, oh, now we're about to graduate. And there's so many small things, whether it's just having someone sit in the living room and do work with you while you finish your thesis, like, yeah, so many small moments like that that I don't think we were ever told to value, love and appreciate. And now being at the end, I'm. [00:20:48] Speaker C: Kind of like, you can see those mundane things like going to the cafeteria together after, like in the morning, you have a test or an exam and just staying with somebody while they study and, like, going out with them late and just. It's those bonding moments that those people in that community that you have where you're able to make mistakes, you're able to mess up or learn, and then you're going to be, you know, propelled out into the real world or the adulting world where there's no community, there's no school, there's no campus. And it's like, how do you go about that? Like, you just come from years and years of being in these small communities. School, high school, elementary, college, now done. Now go off on your own and see what happens. And it's very much like, well, how, how can I be excited about that if not anything? I'm more anxious about it. [00:21:39] Speaker A: Yeah, we've had a structure of school. Or if you've been in school from the start to finish, no breaks is like 1617 years. [00:21:47] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:47] Speaker A: I mean, it's. It's. I can imagine. I can only imagine it's a big, big transition. [00:21:52] Speaker B: It is. [00:21:52] Speaker A: And I really appreciated what you just said because I recently had somebody tell me that I need to spend, you know, my last month in school, like, enjoying myself. And I tend to take myself very seriously in the sense that, like, gotta go to work, gotta get money. I can't go. I can't go to u Street tonight. Cause I gotta work. I gotta get up at 06:00 a.m.. [00:22:11] Speaker D: Tomorrow. [00:22:11] Speaker A: I gotta go to work. [00:22:12] Speaker B: Right. [00:22:13] Speaker A: And it's a necessity for me. But also, I do realize that you make time for the things that are important. And taking time for myself, going with my friends, sitting in the living room, and doing my papers together with my friends is also important. And I'm sad I'm now realizing this with two weeks left of graduation. But, you know, I'm a try. [00:22:31] Speaker C: Honestly, I will say I'm excited for how things will go. I am nervous at the same time, but I'm trying to turn that nervousness into excitement. And it's like, there's so much more life to live after college. [00:22:44] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:22:45] Speaker C: And I really am looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to learning even more. I don't think the learning experience stops now. [00:22:51] Speaker B: Oh, good God. [00:22:52] Speaker C: I think now it just gets real. [00:22:53] Speaker B: No, it does get a little real, but you never stop learning. And I think that that's the most exciting part about adulting, is that you're gonna face so many different situations where you're just gonna get to learn so many more things about yourself that even now, you're not. Like I'm telling y'all, the next couple of years, who you are now is gonna be so different from who you end up being. Like, like I said, in the next couple of years, because it's just. It's so formative. Like, y'all think that this is formative. [00:23:29] Speaker C: There's more. [00:23:30] Speaker B: There's more. And it's beautiful. It's heartbreaking, it's anxiety inducing, and it's sometimes really sad. But it's, like I said, it's such a beautiful and very human experience in regards to, like I said, discovering. And the more that you discover about yourself, the more you begin to love yourself and trust yourself, because you know that you can get yourself through anything because you faced all that you've already overcome, and then you already know that there's nothing that's going to be able to stop you once you get to where you're trying to go. And there's even. Even past that, there's so much more. Like, even right now, even with me approaching 25, there's so much more to life that I have yet to experience, and that's really, really exciting for me. And so I'm excited for y'all. Y'all have done it. And so purr. [00:24:25] Speaker C: I think definitely it's something that adulting is something that everybody is going to be facing this coming month as we graduate and even more adulting to come. Like you said, you're approaching 25. There's so much more. I know you're gonna. You have a lot in your belt already, but I know there's so much more for you to learn, and I think it's exciting for everybody. [00:24:49] Speaker A: Thank you for dropping those. [00:24:50] Speaker C: Yes. That is. Thank you. [00:24:52] Speaker A: That's a bad to heart. For real. [00:24:54] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:24:54] Speaker A: Honestly, and we appreciate you, and it definitely helped. I feel like. I think that's, like, a perfect way to wrap up. [00:25:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:03] Speaker A: Conversation. Thank you half for coming to thank you. [00:25:07] Speaker C: That's awesome. [00:25:08] Speaker A: We appreciate you. [00:25:09] Speaker C: Yes. [00:25:09] Speaker A: And, you know, Spark, tune in for another episode. We'll be back. And thanks for tuning in, period. [00:25:18] Speaker B: Hey, y'all, make sure that y'all stay tuned for more episodes for sparked by revolutionaire. [00:25:23] Speaker C: And follow us on TikTok and Instagram @revolutionnaire.co. See you later.